13:11 Thursday 18 July 2019 JST

I have been doing MKP stuff for a while. Today I expressed in my online group that I did not want to be there and I do not always want to be there. I am so thankful that I could just let loose with a barrage|littany of the stuff rolling through my mind and the men could be there just to hear me. It was stuff like

"I don't fucking want to always be here and I don't want to check
out by email and that all started from when I just said I wanted
to start the group on time and now here we are today not starting
on time and a bunch of men checking out via email neither of which
is what I fucking was trying for in the first place.  If I am not
here the group might miss me and I might miss the perfect person
to facilitate me, and I miss JG and he is not here"

blah blah like that for a bit.

The learning I got from that was the title of my upcoming blog entry, “Self care must come first” though I will probably add “usually” in there somewhere. This is certainly true for a group of peers, each of whom can ostensibly take care of themselves.

If I do not take care of myself, then I can not be there for the group.

Dangit. Speaking of which, my wrists are hurting while I I type this (on the train, so voice transcription is not a polite option). Where is the self care now?