I wrote this to Dean Ramsden

10:03 Monday 22 July 2019 JST

In the meantime, maybe write up your personal history and your goals for the work you want done, and I’ll study it ahead of time, so we can jump right in.

When I was a child, my dad showed me how to use coat hangers as divining sticks to find water. At the time, I thought it was strange. “Why should I have to use sticks if I can just think the question and know the answer?”

I did not apparently put this intuition to any practical purpose, but I did do a few Tarot card readings based on this kind of channeled information. I hadn’t read about individual card meanings in Tarot, But I would have people ask a question and then choose cards at randomly and then I would just freestyle information that came through.

I grew fascinated with the idea of “astral travel” and consciously, I got as far as lucid dreaming, But not astral travel that I know of, or at least not in the way that my imagination wanted it to happen.

If I practice recalling my dreams, while dreaming, I will often recognize that “I am in that place where I can fly and control things” But while in that dream state, I usually don’t recall that my physical body is somewhere.

One time while sleeping, I was doing gymnastics that I realized I couldn’t do my physical body. I recognize I was in some state of consciousness where my consciousness was outside of my body. (After listening to your lecture, I guess this was my etheric body outside my physical body.)

In the way that I naturally have proprioception, I realized my body was folded over (which my physical body cannot do under normal waking conditions). I tried to allow myself to float out of my body. I got as far as my body being up in the air, but my head was stuck inside my head.

I slowly came back into waking consciousness and felt my body gliding down into my physical body in a smooth transition, featuring lots of vibrational tingling as the bodies merged. (Maybe this is the same tingling as in the shower exercise you mentioned.)

I felt a lot of joy and excitement around this, and I began seeking things to study. I read one of Robert Monroe’s books and soon went to The Monroe Institute for their week long Gateway Voyage residential training (in 1997 or so, a few years after his death).

At TMI’s Gateway Voyage, I had a few interesting experiences regarding states of consciousness, but did not “astral travel” the way I had hoped.

We got to meet Joe McMoneagle and I became facinated with the how the Life Review works upon death (or near death). (You mentioned the tunnel of light and said you can talk more about that process. I would be curious to do so as I remember one of my experiences as a ghost believing I did not deserve to go through the tunnel.)

At TMI, we watched the Powers of Ten video https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Powers_of_Ten_(film)#1977_(%22Final%22)_version and I cried for a grain of sand in the sidewalk after recognizing how it had been ignored despite is crucial role in the world.

Around the same time, I began emotional catharsis work with Mankind Project. In my weekend training, I realized I was physically a man. At age 27, I still felt like a boy.

I am going to make a jump here from biography to underlying patterns.

I often suffer from anger issues. I once complained to my parents that they were being too nice to each other. I might describe their behavior now as having been codependent. They didn’t take care of their own needs first.

I have often given my power away to women, trying to make mommy happy so that I can get her love. I recognize that the work is to be done within myself, and the reality of the world around me is a reflection of that. These are words I can say theoretically, but I don’t really know what they mean for me nor how to apply them in my life.

I often fall into crushes with women, and I have learned to deal with that by simply not acting on it…

I get the very most easily angry when I judge people do not understand me. (How very curious I find myself in a cross-cultural marriage where not being understood is the norm.)

Looking for the source of this anger regarding communication, the only things that have kind of made sense are from past lives that I’ve uncovered.

One spontaneous past life memory was when my army buddy was killed after not listening to my guidance.

In another past life, there was a larger scale massacres where thousands of my men were ambushed and died due to a tactical mistake I had made. (where they DID listen to me and it got them killed)

In other past life news, I have a birthmark where apparently I was stabbed, and I recall dying, feeling so sad that my wife would not get the money that I had earned while being in war. (This lifetime, the first time I washed my wife’s back, I remembered that it was not the first time I had washed her back, and in fact my present-lifetime wife may have played the role of the woman who I left with kids while I died in battle.)

In a different past life, I remember being a big simple man, who was taking care of by a witch who lived up the hill because she was ostracized by the community. She would send me into town with simple shopping tasks.

In a different past life (which I mentioned above), I committed ritual suicide and remained on earth believing my transgression had been too great to let me go to ‘heaven’. The facilitator (Kevin Turner, who you may well know) said “look up” and my dead-self looked up and was shocked to see everyone waiting patiently for me. My physical self started bawling and crying like oh my god finally, etc etc.

Back to my present lifetime:

At age 8 or so this lifetime, my dad told me how incredibly smart and talented I was. In some ways, this information has been a curse on me, as I have assumed I should be able to figure things out. I often shame myself for not having figured things out the first time through.

In a different anecdote from this lifetime, my dad and I were paddling in a canoe on the lake somewhere. It was a beautiful father-son experience. His friend came by with the small motorboat, and offered to tow us ashore. The experience of the raw speed in a canoe was thrilling. I absolutely loved it and would love to do it again sometime. Afterward, my dad said his friend said I was “grinning from ear to ear.” I hated to know that I had been seen and that I had been somehow caught in this moment of joy.

And yet another anecdote from this lifetime, my dad knocked down a wasps' nest from under the eave of our house. The wasps were all dead, but I was still scared of the nest. I gathered up all of my courage and threw the nest into the street, then suddenly heard cheers from my parents. I was shocked and angry that they had been watching me the whole time. Somehow my test of courage had not been such a test after all. I should’ve known it wasn’t dangerous because they (apparently) knew it.

11:06 Monday 22 July 2019 JST

At this point I am taking a break in writing.

17:13 Thursday 25 July 2019 JST

Main things I would like to look at in our work

Improve my ability to find clients who value my services. I would like to make enough money that I can let go of my current programming job and let my wife feel comfortable in doing work she loves instead of doing work for money.

I often get feedback that what I said was really helpful or insightful. My secret is that it’s often channeled information, though I do not know much about my source. Would like to learn more about the source and how to build a relationship with my source.

I have listened to Bashar as channeled by whatshisname (who keeps saying extraterrestrial disclosure is coming), and have been listening to Abraham as channeled by Esther Hicks. I love what you said about it being simplified. However, the reason I brought up these channels is that I have sometimes thought I could do that. Should I keep it low-key and just channel as I mentioned above. As I wrote the question, the answer came: meet my channelee first.

I feel fear and sadness when I don’t pursue this line of questions. I want you (or someone, anyone but meeeee) to give me all the answers. Holy cats maybe that is my sadness of being disconnected from my channelee. (is there a word for that? the spirit being channeled?)

When reading the book Shaving The Inside of Your Skull, I created my own religion, ROBOT (Rob’s Own Brand of Teachings), which includes the concept of EPP, the Ever Present Present. Why did I even bring that up with you now?

Improve my skillset in terms of healing. I have always been fascinated with astral, and finding your simple structured introduction has been lovely. What you say makes sense to my maps and seems like something I could easily put into practice.

Improve connection in our marriage. I hide parts of myself from my wife Lin out of fear of her reaction.

Spend more time on my art projects because they are fun and bring a lot of joy to me in making and people in seeing. How can they support my financial abundance?