06 Sep 2018, 06:35

06:35 Thursday 06 September 2018 JST

A man has two lives. The second one begins when he realized he only has one life.

My second life has begun. I am feeling the fire in my gut, mixed with the fear of rejection and failure. But as I have learned through experience, if I follow my fear I will be headed in the right direction in life.

For me these fears result in me dying alone. There is a process called What’s at Risk which I learned from Mankind Project.

“What’s at risk if I do it?”

“People might not like it.”

“What’s at Risk if they do not like it?”

“They will not like me.”

“What’s at Risk if they do not like you?”

“They will leave me.”

“What’s at Risk if they leave you?”

“I will eventually die alone.”

Once we get to the bottom, we start over with the other option as a starting point.

“What’s at risk if I don’t do it?””

“I will lead a pointless life”

“What’s at Risk if you lead a pointless life?”

“I will have no enthusiasm”

“What’s at Risk if you have no enthusiasm?”

“I will have no connection to friends”

“What’s at Risk if you have no connection to friends?”

“I will die alone”

I have been through this chain of broken logic countless times. In my case, when I follow the what’s at risk line of questions, I always end up dying alone.

I believe the point of the exercise is to point out the logical fallacy. Somewehre there is a mis-step in logic.

Let’s try it again:

“What’s at Risk if you do it?”

“People might not like it.”

“What’s at Risk if people might not like it?”

“I will adjust it and try again”

Aha! That was quick. Because my excitement is merged in with the fear, coming from a core knowing that this is the right way to go. Or at least the right ballpark or sport.

That knowing is there that I will not just give up. I will keep coming back at it from different angles until I get it right. I just have to hope I won’t be like a mosquito trying to go through a screen window.

So what is the vision? The vision is to make Emotional Intelligence as important as that other kind of Intelligence, just plain old intellect. The vision is that I can stand listening to someone yell at me when I fuck up my visa. “You have to leave Japan today!” big man was yelling at me, and I was aware of the fear inside my body, but did not get pushed around by it. I could feel it swirling. “I had fucked up. My life was ruined.” But I also know fear is an emotion. It is energy in motion. Fear is that feeling that comes up when I do not have enough information to make a decision about the future. I want to stay in the country; I am listening to a man yell at me, saying that I cannot. I stood there calmly listening.

He paused for second. “Do you understand what I am saying?”

I assured him I did and reiterated the sailent points. He agreed that I got it, but the points pointed to one main point. I had to leave.

So I punted. “I am planning to get married.”

I had popped the question to Lin a month or so prior to this event. During that month she kept asking if I had gotten my visa sorted. “I still have time; the postcard says to do it by July 18th”

Turns out, that date didn’t matter. It was the date actually in my passport that mattered.

To be Continued ….