19 Jul 2018, 10:59

mens circle process

10:59 Thursday 19 July 2018 JST

Tonight I chose to work on my anger related to things not going my way.

Anger: why is this person standing blocking the escalator keeping people from going up?

Anger: why would R-san not trust a professional wine taster that he knows how to taste wine without getting drunk?

Anger: why would A-san suggest popcorn style for people to speak up instead of just asking each person?

Following the anger back, I came upon a scene in the game room back in the house where we lived until I was 7 years old. We had some slot cars that my dad showed me how to put oil on the cars to make them go faster. I put oil on them and basically clogged up the motors so they hardly ran at all.

My dad was so mad at me. He’s the one who fuckin’ showed me how to add oil to them!!

In my mind, I went back to the scene to just sit with myself-at-age-7 and be with him. Daddy was at work; mommy was at work. He was alone playing with the cars, likely trying to show his brother or the neighbor kids how to make the cars faster.

In my mind, I went to bat for 7-year-old-me when my dad came home. “Well, you showed him how to do it, and he did it. It’s gonna be okay.”

I allowed 7-year-old-me to come live in my heart and everything be okay.

I withdrew the projection that A-san doing popcorn style is imperfect. It’s going to be okay.

I withdrew my projection that R-san should assume pro-san knows what he is doing. Maybe he doesn’t.

I withdrew the projection that escalator-san was doing anything wrong by standing there. Maybe they are keeping back a few seconds so I won’t get hit by a car later.