23:56 Saturday 03 June 2017 JST

Yesterday in my online men’s group I used my time to look at why I get so unreasonably pissed off when I have to repeat myself.

Guided via questions, it went something like this.

Where do you feel this anger?

In my throat, like it is lodged in there.  A solid steel ball
blocking everything.

Does this solid steel ball have a temperature?

Cold. everything is cold, like in the middle of snow.

Who is there with you?

I am alone.  They left without me.  Actually I got lost.  I didn't
stay with the group and I got lost. <tears>

Who found you?

No one. I died. <sobbing> I fucking got lost and I died. They
told me to stay with the group but I did not listen and I died.

Okay, what does this part of you need?

To be found.  To be loved.

Okay, can you come back to your present self?

Yes.

Can you offer him that love he needs?

Yes.

Does he believe you?

Yes.  He sees that I came back for him, and he is now safe.

What is his message for you?

The world is a wide and wonderous place.  There are so many neat
things to see and he wants to show me.

Can you do that with him?

Yes.

What would that look like?

There is a park on a hill near our house and we can go up there
together.  He can show me what he wants to show me.

When will you do that?

I will go with him twice this week, before our next meeting.

Are you complete?

Yes.

---

The very same day, I started to get scratchy throat. My the time I had a lesson 12 hours later, I was sore throated and feeling sick. Slept all day yesterday and told Rohini via FB that I had an interesting story to tell her. Soon thereafter I was shivering uncontrollably and got into bed with extra blanket.

Extra blanket was too hot after a while, and when I woke up around 2am this morning, blood did not go to my brain and I passed out while on the loo. Appparently my eyes were open but like glazed over. Lin was saying “please come back” when I came back to consciousness.