11:10am JST Friday 20 June 2003

I have just finished my lesson with Ayana in Shibuya. I was way distracted during the lesson. My emotional body is all awry. I think crying may help. brb.

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Crying helped a bit I think. Or maybe a bit of crying helped a lot, possibly what seems an incredible amount of goodness for a tiny bit of crying.

Possibly there's more to emotions than I totally understand.

("Haha that is joke.")

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When Ayana could tell I was distracted, she asked "are you sure you're okay?" and I could just feel the emotion on the edge of exploding out, no I feel like bawling cause I haven't hugged anyone since I've been here. Haven't trusted anyone enough to hug a real hug like in I-group. A fake hug would be just pointless and patronizing to my need. A sex hug would be relatively easy to get, but I don't really want that.

Oh hey, Frank is back in town. I might (haha there's another word-fuck) talk to him about his connections with men through AA.