Entries this day: excited-about-cuddle-party-today-in-crafers omg-who-do-i-hate

excited about cuddle party today in crafers

With Jess as my cuddle assistant, we'll present Cuddle Party today in Crafers, including pizza from next door Crafers Pizza Bar.

If everyone shows up, we'll have more attendees than last time. :-)

omg who do i hate

Jess had excellent and helpful feedback for me after the Cuddle Party event today.

Basically:

1. Write down the door code to allow timely entry
2. Stick to the script (practice helps)
3. Keep the ending simple

What I heard: "you failed again; I've been telling you this and it never changes; try harder."

What I thought:

Fuck this; I'll never do Cuddle Party again.

What I said:

"I'm so angry but I don't feel safe expressing myself here while (house owner) Mike's asleep over there.

"Go take a shower and I'll process it in our bedroom."

Jess suggested I do tapping.

"Fine I'll do that."

"May I show you?"

"I'll figure it out," I said, having little idea how to do it.

I sat on the corner of the bed with leave-me-alone plastered on my face and Jess asked if I was going to look at her while she showed me how to do the tapping.

"I can't even look at you. I'm dying here I'm so angry."

Jess got up to leave, I thought, but she actually just closed the door to improve our privacy, then came back saying, "I'm not going to leave you."

And she opened her arms and let me cry cry cry in her arms.

Once I had cried it all out, Jess guided me through the process of tapping and articulating both the blast of angry words (I hate you fuck you die fucking die I'll kill you) in a safe way and the affirmations that little Robert never heard. (I love you. I'm here for you. You can feel angry; it's okay to feel sad....)

Tons more crying and sniffling and blowing my nose, followed by Ho'opponopono ... until finally I could look at her with such love and gratitude.

"We make a good team," I smiled.

"Yeah we do," she agreed.