Entries this day: Clean_Chez_Soness Dream_Jen_T ISIS_with_Rebecca

Clean Chez Soness

9:26am JST Wednesday 6 January 2010 (day 14532)

Though I'm a bit late for work now, I wrote Soness a nice note after cleaning the place up for her arrival tomorrow night. I've got to stay out tonight, well, I'm choosing to stay out tonight because I'm going to do an ISIS session with Rebecca tonight in ÂçÄÍ (Otsuka), and again tomorrow morning in ÂçÄÍ, which is basically 1.5 hours from Chez Soness. I'll get my sleeps there tonight and come home on Thursday night after work.

I wrote a note which I left for Soness on the clean coffee table in the clean living room, with the door shut so Nibbles can't unclean it while we're gone. Nibbles' litter is clean; Nibbles' food area is clean (and dry), and the sink trap is clean. And the birds even have food. And the nearly full kerosene jugs are in the shed, and the kerosene heater is full of kerosene.

I cleaned the tub and filled it with clean water (which, thanks to the wonder of Japanese tubs, can be heated in 20 minutes from ice to nice. (It would probably take more minutes if the water were actually ice, but it can heat the water from 8C to 43C no problem.) The laundry is pretty much all clean, except for her non-cotton/non-fabric-I-can-identify items. The clean laundry is pretty much all folded, except for her complicated items with parts I can't identify, and which don't even have arrows to indicate which way is up.

Dream Jen T

9:39am JST Wednesday 6 January 2010 (day 14532)

With Jen T from PB, talking about our voyages and plans for the future... basically just hanging out. Soness called me all "what's up?" and when I told her, she was like, "how old is she?" and I asked Jen who said "twenty." Soness goes, "I heard her. She's too young for you don't you think?" And I was like, "we're not doing anything but talking! Plus,.." and Soness interrupted me, "and aren't she and Taka still together?" I was like, "yes; they're married I was just going to say that," and the scene shifted to being on a bus with a little marble game rolling chaotically with the lurching of the bus.

ISIS with Rebecca

10:18pm JST Wednesday 6 January 2010 (day 14532)

Fingertips on my belly, where I felt weakness, "like just below there or just above, I'd be strong, but right there it's weak." Easing myself into the weakness I kept clicking out, into any other distracting thought. Don't want to go there. Went there anyway, and felt little and small and confused and "I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do." I hear that mantra on lots of levels in my life.

Found myself as a military leader, like for an army of 10,000 men. We were in a hopeless situation, completely overwhelmed and no way to win nor really even get away. It felt like grabbing onto a slippery cone, with no chance of grasping it; the tighter I hold, the more it slips away.

Stayed with that feeling until there was nothing to do but be. Just be. I felt my hands getting warmer, and my feet as well. Feeling into my hands, I suddenly heard ringing more loudly in my ears.

Began to fade into sleep repeatedly, with visions of John Travolta spinning a tin can around in his hands, and then of me dragging a big plastic tub with cold water in it.

The water felt like my energy, or my life force, disconnected from the infinite life force. I can reconnect to the infinite energy force. Hey but why, if everything is one anyway, how can I be disconnected? Because at some level my consciousness is pushing it away. Ah.