Entries this day: Dream G.ho.st Kinda_crap_rap Latest_ISIS Webness kelly_party

Dream

As I was sitting diagnolly behind Jennifer N from PT! in Houston, she did some sort of emotional support thing for me, asking questions by typing them in Emacs, and I was answering. We were both editing the buffer at the same time, and somehow it switched to a different buffer as I was trying to answer something from the heart, so I got pulled into my thinking mind when I was undoing the changes to restore the buffer. But in the end I wanted to talk more to her cause we were finished. I scooted my desk forward to talk to her more, but there was another guy in the way. He turned around like, HI can I help you? when I moved my desk, but I didn't want to talk to him, nor admit I was trying to reach Jennifer. I saw she had big blisters on her feet; not just the back of the heels, but on the soles: heels, balls, arches, everywhere. She had to go out for a bit, but I thought she would be back in a bit, but she said, "see you tomorrow," and i was like, "tomorrow?" in a little meek voice.. "okay." and then I was on a train, leaving and as the train went by Jennifer, she called over the loudspeaker very quickly just as my seat passed her, "Idon'thateyouRobbie!" which was her style of all but saying I love you. I didn't even know she knew I wanted to talk more, much less would she acknowledge it; I started crying, and actually woke up crying. (*)

(*) started to outwardly cry as I woke up.

G.ho.st

5:32pm JST Saturday 23 August 2008 (day 14031)

Wow! I now have a virtual computer: g.ho.st. If you sign up, do the setup wizard and enter thunderrabbit@g.ho.st as the referrer if you wanna give me an extra Gig of storage space.

http://g.ho.st/ is another web-based computer for which I signed up.  Kinda heavy on the processor
usage (in my web browser), cause it uses Flash, but since it uses Flash, it's pretty cute!

I ain't used it a lot yet, but if you sign up, feel free to enter thunderrabbit in the referred by
field (you find it after you verify your email address, log in and run the setup wizard)

Plus, they have the best domain name EVER.

Kinda crap rap

11:35am JST Saturday 23 August 2008 (day 14031)

Feelin' kinda crap today
things aren't going quite my way
I don't know what else to say
I guess it's sposed to be that way.

Well, that was a short rap, but it just came out. u.cow.fly2.nu site is partially broken for the moment; I upgraded to Media Wiki 1.13.0, and now get an error when trying to edit pages. I *did* meditate this morning, so that's something good. Didn't eat though, and now I'm on the way to Helma's then skipping a chance to view Stacy's pics on display and see some PB peeps at Cafe Slow (Jennifer invited me some weeks ago, though I'm not sure if she's going to go). Ai will be there; I'd like to say HI to Ai, and perhaps Rei would be there.

I think what I really need is to cut these mental ties I have with old, un-available relationships.

Latest ISIS

2pm JST Saturday 23 August 2008 (day 14031)

Didn't even hardly touch the mat before I was crying crying crying. Great gasping abandonment issues of tears wailing from every pore. Brought up memories of the dream and gushed into overtime tears of gasping, body shaking tears, squeezing out every last inch of air, and still more to cry, but the desire for air required a break in the sobs to gasp for air. Then breathe breathe breathe a few breaths and then back down into it gasping whatsits until all the air was gone from lungs and from the veins.

This went on for a few times and then suddenly found myself floating with angels; it didn't actually take so long before I was there,.. it was just really intense on the way to it.

Then back to the crying after a bit, and then

Helma moved one of her hands to my shoulder, and all the energy switched and I was feeling sadness mixed with anger at having been abandoned by the driver who left me with $4000 medical bill for my shoulder. Body tensing anger and squeezing legs and toes and rargh.

felt and felt and felt everything I could; didn't explain what was the source.

After everything, Helma told me that was (supposed to be) the next step: finding the source and then re-experiencing the event in exquisite detail... Looking forward to doing that on Wednesday morning.

Webness

5:50pm JST Saturday 23 August 2008 (day 14031)

Came to work right after meeting Helma. Ah cripes I forgot to write about the ISIS session. In the end, it's more important. hang on.

Okay I'm back; I just wrote the (backdated) ISIS entry. That was my 3rd ISIS at Helma's apartment on Saturday (3 in a row) and a few before that; I sorta lost count, but hope I've journaled them; I want to put them in my wiki.

Um, online I fixed the wikis for uncle cow, go-rilla, Monty bear, and the isfuzzy main wiki. I had upgraded the files, but not the DB because the 'how to upgrade' email from Dreamhost pointed to a portion that had been renamed from 12.0 to NULL on the wiki page. I sorted out what had happened after I fixed the wiki DB myself and was about to write to explain how to do it, and I noticed it had already been written. Oh. Just need to rename the link.

After that, looking for ways to backup my DB for robnugen.com/wiki before I update it; looks like I'm gonna go with brackup (sorry no link at the moment), if I can figure it out.

kelly party

5:59pm JST Saturday 23 August 2008 (day 14031)

Headed to Kelly's party at Good Honest Grub now!