Entries this day: soml_of_sorts

soml of sorts

Two weeks ago, Madeline wrote

> Just now getting around to replying to emails - has it only been 5 days?  I
> don't know if it feels like it's been longer or shorter.  My time-sense is
> very altered here.

I imagine I know what you mean regarding time
dialation/shrinkization/warping...  We do so much that it seems longer
(it must have taken more time to do all that, right??) but it's all so
much richer that we remember it (so well that it couldn't have been
very long ago, right??)

That's basically what I think happens on PB

> Sometimes I find myself wondering how you feel when you
> are in Japan, or what it'd be like to live there instead of here.

When I am in a groove/rut in Japan, time goes by at the normal
understood speed that it did back in the US, punctuated with points
that throw it out of scale.  And overall goes by really fast...... but
so much changes in a short time; I won't recognize my peeps back at
home (or so the saying goes)..

Shit, dawg, I don't know what the hell I'm talkin' about!!

> Sometimes, especially in the beginning of my trip, I felt like I was living
> the dream - being the crazy adventurer that everyone believes me to be.
> Sometimes, especially nowadays, I feel a little bit aimless, and like, well,
> what am I accomplishing now?  I'm wandering around a supermarket in Mendoza,
> buying salad fixins so I can sit in the hostel. big deal.

"You better watch your attitude, young lady."    No, seriously, I
think I know just what you mean.  It's the same shit in Japan: they
use money to buy goods and services; we work to get money, eat and
play to spend money...  It's all the same shit in a different wrapper!

OR, as I look beneath the idea that I'm doing some amazing trip, I see
that I am still here inside this imperfect skin and imperfect mind,
seeing life through the same filters as before.. of course it all
looks the same.

So, how do I change the outlook - make this an amazing adventure?
Either change my definition of "amazing" or change the filters.  One
is easy and one is easier, once I figure out how!


((((  That's probably the deepest thoughts I've had in a long time;
thank you for inducing them!!  ))))


> I know that we should live our lives for the moment, and that the most
> important thing is to be happy and content (not accomplishment), but there
> are times when I want to be everything that the 13-year-old Madeline thought
> she would be when she grew up. You know?

I know.  I imagine you are doing those things, but it doesn't feel
like you predicted.   Kinda like if you go back to the playground now,
all the equipment will be smaller.

I have a fear that I will keep putting off my long-ass bicycle ride as
I seek the all important dollar (or yen), and I have a fear of not
having enough dollars........ no, it's not that so much as just
fearing going into debt for no good reason.

But I'll be damned if riding my bicycle around Japan isn't worth going
into debt!

     Love Love Love Love Love (and SO looking forward to seeing you
in South Motha Fuckin' America!!!!!!!! (*))
     - ROB!!


(*) see, my reaction to "South America" proves that I have huge
expectations about this continent to which I've never been.  You, who
I trust a lot because we seem to have the same outlook, seem to say
it's equally ho-hum once one gets down to proverbial brass tacks.
Japan is the same.

But, we  travel because we must.

I love you!