Entries this day: Lifeboat_pizza bryn

Lifeboat pizza

2:08pm CDT Friday 5 July 2002

You have to leave your home and can only take 20 things with you.
What would you take?

That's the game I'm playing now. What do I take on my trek? What will I need? What will keep me entertained? What won't I need?

I've got all this shit in my apartment, and all these mental ties to it. Memories tied up all over the place and promises kept to people (I'll give this [book|software|music|unicycle] back to you when I'm done) and a whole pile of question marks in my mind.

And I've got this sneak preview garage sale from 4 to 7pm and then I remembered I'm going to yoga at 3pm.. Haven't taken a shower.. Oooky poopy bluh.

And then my other fear is that no one will show up. I trust that everything will work out nicely. I know Maggie plans to be here at 5 or 5:30. Maybe no one will really come until then, so I can get some more clearing/sorting/cleaning done before people arrive.

8:28pm

Yoga helped my peace. I arrived there 15 minutes early, got in a full 45 minute session. Learned a pose called Warrior #3 (I think it was 3), a sideways lean pose, and a version of Sun Salutation that is easy on the wrists cause my left wrist is still not optimal.

Stopped by Randall's and got some Ritz Bits crackers 2 for 1.

Arrived back at my apartment at 4:04 and medicated some by eating crackers to keep from focusing on my concern that no one would come. Crackers and soy milk. Mmmmmm.

Maggie and Kerry (sp) were the first to arrive at 5:15 or so, I think. Maybe it was 4:45, but around 5. Dennis came many minutes after them. I'm thankful that I could provide some shelving and desk for Kerry, books and a cat house for Dennis, an end table for Maggie, and CDs for all. So awesome.

- - - -

Super wonderful duper special thanks to Kerry for treating Maggie and me to Star Pizza! We each got a 12" preceded by the baked goat cheese. Goat cheese. Mmmmmm.

Have just arrived back home from Star; I walked Maggie to her car and chatted a bit, told her how scared I've been and how much I'm learning and stretching. She drove off and I realized I had forgotten my phone at Star, so I walked back. When I came inside, I said, "I'm returning this pizza; naw just kidding..."

On second thought it would have been funnier to say, "I've got a pizza delivery!"

bryn

From: Bryn
Date: Fri Jul 05, 2002  10:57:35 PM US/Pacific
To: Rob
Subject: Re: soul

Rob-

thanks.

you are totally allowed to be scared.  and you are
totally allowed to have doubt.  don't ignore those
feelings, because those are the feelings that you have
to... conquer?  i want to say you have to, like, beat
their asses.  because i know you can.  if you feel
fear, take it be afraid, and use that as a motivating
power.  "if i am afraid that i will not have the
money, i will immediately change my life so that i
will have the money"..."if i am doubting that my new
life will work, i will make sure before i step into
the new reality that i have a firm ground to walk on."


i have esentially sacrificed my social wants and needs
for this summer.  i work two jobs full time so that
when i get to london i will be able to play and feel
safe and not rely on my parents.  i am totally afraid
of being broke and having to ask them for funds, so i
am making them now.  i guess its all about looking at
the big picture, which is often times hard to see.

and i like that you "hate to do it" because that means
you're stretching.  like, a weird yruu spin to all of
this is something i've beAn like putting into every
part of my life lately...  the five steps to community
building are so a bigger thing then that, like... look
at it as the five steps to self-building.  you have
bonded with yourself, you are open and honest about
how you feel with yourself, and you don't deny that
you have those feelings, you are affirming all of your
emotions and trying to feel at ease with them, but now
you are at another time in your life when you have to
stretch, and when you embark on this crazy journey
(althogh it has in many ways begun), you will share
deeper with yourself than you ever have.  maybe thats
a stupid metaphor... but i think about it all the
time.  like "what step am i on in this relationship,
or am i ready to start the next step with this person"
etc.  

its fucking hard and bloody amazing to do what you are
doing.  and remember that it is not the norm, and so
people may not understand, but thats ok.  because you
have to understand.  you know what your goals are
(hopefully) by this point, and i know you will meet
and surpass them all.  you can't just let life guide
you on this, it takes a lot of work to make it all
happen, and literally the more work you can do now, to
ease your transitions, the better it will be later.

i know you will make it, and in the end you will walk
away with a smile on your face.

i love you
smiles,
me