Entries this day: Danielle Dgrrrr bryn budget rob

Danielle

10:42pm CDT Tuesday 16 April 2002

Hung out at work a while, working on my Plano Rally journal entries. Chose not to put images on tonight. Left work. While walking from work toward the post office, crossing Shepherd, a jeep-car thing honked and changed lanes in a weird way. I thought, "weirdo," and then the jeep-car thing pulled up in front of me.

It was Danielle!!

Holy fuckin' shit jumped into the car and gave her a hug and wow!

She drove me to the post office and then to the bank and then to my apartment parking lot (grand total of 5 blocks) where we sat and talked for over an hour. She's divorced and remarried, seems to be quite happy in life. So wonderful!

We determined it's been almost 7 years since we've seen one another.

She knows a guy who has taught English in China. I've been shying away from China, but it keeps coming up... so maybe...

Wow. Lovely timing.

Dgrrrr

4:22pm CDT Tuesday 16 April 2002

Fuckin' Fuck D sucks shit!

He fucked with one of the datasets jsc_relations and erased some critical values and it caused an error when he was testing. I had no idea he had changed the dataset, much less that he was testing the changes, so when the log checker saw the error and notified us, I looked at what had happened and saw that the admin was logged in and saw an error. In this case the admin is our client contact at __redacted__. But actually D was logged in as her and caused the error. I didn't think to look at the IP address to see it was one of our internal addresses; I just saw the error had happened SIX fucking times, and it was D each fucking time not fucking telling me, "uh hey, Rob, I just fucking made a change to the dataset and now I'm testing it and there's an error" but instead he said NOTHING and I saw the six errors and shot an email to the group here saying that I was going to contact the client, and did he say anything then ? NO!!! So I took at least 2 minutes to look for her contact information, PLENTY of fucking time for D to fucking say, "oh that was me" and I sent her an email saying I saw the errors and I'll let her know when they are fixed.

THEN D was all, "oh that was probably me testing" PROBABLY? WAS IT YOU TESTING OR NOT YOU FUCKING IDIOT??? DO YOU EVER MAKE A CERTAIN STATEMENT IN YOUR LIFE? LIKE YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT???? FUCK!!!! Oh, so maybe I should probably not have sent the email to the client and you should probably get a fist in the face cause you suck shit!

I found the problem with the dataset, asked D, "did you modify the jsc_relations dataset?" ("yeah") fixed the error, during which time D added, "all I did was blah blah blah."

No, in fact, that is not all you did. You also erased these two critical values and you suck shit for not paying attention to the work you do around here! All sorts of fucking errors are your fault and we all look like idiots because of it. Lost a fucking client because of it. You suck!

- - - -

So I talked to him; asked if he had gotten the emails that I had sent to the group. He claims he did not. He should be on that distribution list; I'll check. He is on the list.

So things are basically better. I still think he should have told me when the first error came up, and he thinks I should have told him as I was sending an email to our group to say I was assuming she had seen the error. So we're "even" on that.

BUT(!) I still contend that he should be more careful when modifying datasets. Duh!

We've agreed that he is in charge of this project, and any errors ..... I just figured out what it is.

Okay. D normally seems to be unaware of most things going on around him. Like when the phone rings and he is the only one near a phone. Or when people have conversations in the same room. "So what do you think, D?" "What? oh, I wasn't listening" kinda thing.

So why should I suddenly think that he is conscious and watching for errors caused by the admin of a project? Why would I think, "oh D's on the ball; he's not dumb; he'll handle it"?? that's right, there is no reason for me to think that.

So there. D is wack and I am right.

But now we've agreed that he is in charge of the project and any errors that occur with it are his responsibility to make sure they are handled. Fine by me.

bryn

Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 19:06:05 -0700 (PDT) From: Bryn To: rob

Rob,

reading your email i cried again. i saw kris today and to be able to reflect on old rally memories is amazing, but he doesn't knwo anything about now. only you have that bond with me, it seems, and it is completely unbreakable.

it's really weird to think of the past few years, and to really realize how much of myself has beAn and still feels invested in YRUU. i don't know if i have done as much as i wanted to do, but i will leave happy with what i have done.

we have both changed so much since so long ago. i bet i am the only yruuer that remembers you with long hair. but of course other than physically, our life ambitions have changed so much as well. not to think we have grown away from YRUU but that we are branching away, and starting new experiences. thats hard.

i guess i asked you if you were laughing because i didn't assume that you would ever feel safe crying in front of me, because you hadn't before. Though i know that is not the reason, it meant a lot to me.

thanks for sending that to me. you really did make me feel like i had made an impact for the first time. so few times in my life have i recieved that kind of closure from an experience, and to have it come from someone i truly love so much, meant more than anything.

thank you.

i love you.

smile,

me

budget

10:48pm CDT Tuesday 16 April 2002

Today I started working out my budget. Just like in my post college pay off student loan days (but not as much debt this time), I'm going to knock out my debt and start saving some frogskins(*) for my adventures.

I called my credit card company to make sure I knew of all the pending transactions and found that the last three had been around $3 or $4 each. I hardly remembered having done them. Little charges like that aren't helping, so I cut up my card.

So now I'm at work to use the internet and compare my budget to my bank account online.

(*) Not that I ever actually use this term, nor that anyone ever uses it, but I saw it in a BMX magazine a *long* time ago, something like, "this bike will set you back 300 frogskins." I thought it was hilarious. Still do.

rob

Date: Tue, 16 Apr 2002 21:59:59 -0700 (PDT) From: Rob To: Bryn

:-)

Unbreakable.

When I look back on my time at University of Houston, I wonder if I could have done more - met more people, made more of a positive impact on the campus, climbed more buildings, joined more clubs, been featured more times in the newspaper and yearbook..... I see this as analogous to you wondering if you have done as much in YRUU as you wanted to.

I know that at the time I felt like I was doing so much. I finally just have to trust that I did everything perfectly.

It's difficult for me as well to leave YRUU. But you helped me understand that to not travel would detriment YRUU. I would be leading by example a life of non-ambition. Ultimately, that would be a great sadness in my life.

A couple of years ago, I wondered "how can I possibly ever leave YRUU?" "How can I arbitrarily say, 'these youth get the full Rob experience; you guys still in YRUU will just have to suffer.' ??" and that one is subtitled, "how can I be so egotistical to think that it's a great privledge for youth to be in YRUU with me?"

Yes, I have certainly grown.

• -

I feel safer crying around you than in the YRUU community. That was the bigger stretch for me. But it was absolutely so important for me to let you understand my emotions that crying in front of the rest of YRUU didn't matter.

And it's not so much that I have a concern about crying in front of YRUU as a whole, but that I was so blatantly crying specifically with Bryn. That I have willingly, welcomingly let Bryn have such a huge effect in my life.

Here's one more: when we were in London, and I hurt my ankle, I stuffed my sadness all day (without realizing it). At the end of the night, I hobbled upstairs to Graham's room and just bawled on his bed. I was so distraught over having apparently negatively affected your and Tanja's day (*). I believe at that moment, I would have been willing to cry in front of you, but not as much in front of Tanja. The real issue for me was crying in front of others in the household.

(*) I trust/recognize now that your day was affected, but not negatively. It was just a day with a different story than was expected earlier in the day.

• -

thanks for sending that to me. you really did make me

feel like i had made an impact for the first time. so

few times in my life have i recieved that kind of

closure from an experience, and to have it come from

someone i truly love so much, meant more than anything.

You've had such a positive impact on my life that I'm still wearing the ring.

I love you.

:-)

• Rob!