Entries this day: Wishcraft lotus123

Wishcraft

(transcribed from Book Two of my diary)

9:25 AM Sunday 26 July 1992

Heather had forgotten about her girls' night out last night, so she and I didn't get to JAM. However, I finished reading chapter 5 in Wishcraft this morning. Barbara (Author of Wishcraft) suggested that I start an Actions and feelings jouranl. She writes, "At the top of each page, write the following:

    DATE                WHAT I DID         HOW I FELT"

Starting today I'll make a note of what I did no matter how trivial it seems. Everything I do is a step toward my goal. So, I begin with the following Action.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

    D        +----   WID  ----+      HIF
26 July 92   |   I made the   | Pretty darn brilliant
-------------+   following    +-------------------------
notation: "@@@@@@@@" across the whole page means "begin 
Actions & Feelings Journal"  "#######" across the whole 
page means "end Actions and Feelings Journal"  D is for 
"date" WID="what I Did"  HIF = "How I Felt"  Very cool.

The lines such as these ------- around D & HIF separate the
columns.  I may not need those if my accomplishments can
be described in fewer words..  But knowing me, I won't
describe anything tritely.

Let's backtrack

    D        |             WID                     |      HIF
25 July 92   | Gave my 2 week notice at Kroger     |  Sorrow / relief
-------------+                                     +-------------

                                                   |  But how can you
26 July 92   | I think I figured out my touchstone |  verify that it
-------------+                                     |  occured?
                                                   +------------

#################################################################

Does this touch stone pass the magic wand test? Ok ** POOF ** I am now dead for 1000 years and they still are talking about me. Totaly cool. But what did I do for me? Who else are they talking about? What do I really really want? Heck, I don't know.

10:20AM

Why am I going to school? Why do I say, "Hey I'm not worried about graduating. I like going to school." ?? What's going on here? Am I putting off life forever? Barbara wonders if I really need school to start having what I want.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This notation is COMPLAINT MODE!! I can't fucking do what the HELL I want to do If I don't know What the HELL I Want! Fucking Shit is useless There's no way. I'M Going to have to go back through the whole DAMN Wishcraft book just to fucking start over and figure out what my fucking touchstone is and I don't have time and I'm Never going to be able to do it and this SUCKS! AAAGGH Fuck The WORLD and the horse it rode in ON.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lotus123

(transcribed from Book Two of my diary)

10:45 PM 26 July 1992

I'm just about to get a handle on my budget, which has run amok all summer. So I ran Lotus 123. Dude. It loaded in about 1/4 the time it took my old computer to load. Excellent.permalink