I am sitting on the train with hot tears drying on my face. Feeling relaxed after a good cry on the way to the station. Riding my bicycle along the same route that I walked with Ma and Madeleine multiple times while they were here brought the emotions forward.
Sadness is the emotion of loss. I need time to grieve the loss of having my mom here with me. Now I’ll have her on Skype but no hugs or carrying bags or overhearing her and Madeleine sharing notes and photos about their day.
After allowing myself a wet sniffly slobbery cry, I feel super chill and strangely warm even though it’s cold. Maybe it’s my new jacket that Ma gave me from the back of Jon’s closet. But definitely feeling relaxed after a nice cry. I don’t have to hold all those emotions in.
Tomorrow will be a new day as I head back to work, but for today just cry and cry like no one’s looking.
21:35 same day
On this same subject I had a great cry in my men’s group today. Tears gushing, sobbing, deep gasping breaths. Gratitude for the men supporting me.